Recap: Game One

It was a cold night, it was a late night. But the story of the game actually took place hours before kickoff. Coach K spent the daylight hours scouring the earth for ladies. This was not unusual, because Kenny is a slut and always on the prowl. What was different about this early January day was the fact that he was not (necessarily) looking to bed the women, but to get them onto the soccer pitch. Hours of effort yielded little. Girls were out of town, working late, healing injuries, mimicking ghosts. As of kickoff we had one lady attending, the majestic Beth, and all the men: Stonewall Scott, Sicophant Stu, Coopersmith Kenny, Casanova Chris and Rugged Russ. Kenneth was able to land another lady from a different team, Lusty Leah. As the gods would have it, our team would be playing one woman down. Would Zeus continue to frown upon us all night?

The first half was action packed as the Zambronis had the wind at their backs. Back and forth action produced excitement, alas, no goals....until the Sicophant struck. With no one looking (literally - I was watching the game on the field over), Stuey rolled one into the back of the opposing teams net. 1-0 Zambronis. Halftime. And the gods were smiling upon the Ice Cleaners.

The second half would be a different story. Two quick goals were netted against the Casanova and the train light was roaring at us. All seemed lost. The opponents appeared resolved to accept the 2-1 victory, so they slowed their pace of play, unaware of a Lusty Leah hiding in the reeds. And like a Black Mamba, she struck! With her back to the goal, she made a great turn and slipped on past the keeper. 2-2.

The Zambonis slipped into a full throttle defensive mode, dedicated to securing a 2-2 'kiss thy sister'. Two minutes later, the opponents would put one off the crossbar, attempt a few corner kicks, and with the wind at their back, attack without abandon. But the gods favored the Ice Cleaners and the whistle blew. A woman down was no obstacle. Beth locked down the opposing ladies. Scott secured the backline. Russ danced around their defenders. Stu cherry-picked all game. Kenneff succumbed to his narcolepsy and napped for a bit. Chris fought off shot after shot. What a performance by the whole team! Those not attending, their spirits were with us.

One week down. One great performance. Well played Zamboni Jabronis.